What can I profit from coming to these Table Talks (profit in this sense reminds me of Gide’s diaries)? Do I just come for P.? To support my friend? Do the few other white people come to be seen (as allies)? I’ve always preferred not to be noticed; negative or positive attention creating essentially the…
F.’s birthday. I have two lives: my mind’s life where I think and imagine, and my social life as a father, partner, friend. One does not admit itself to the other. I do everything I can to camouflage myself with bluster about real estate and money. “What do you do?” In the past, I demurred…
Tomorrow, I finally submit to Brick. Reading Thanh’s memoir discomfits me. It reads like one version of what I have written. How should I now define my relationship with J? I met him during my new-age days. I would talk for hours about what I had learned – meditation, breathing, peace, ego, truth. The difference…
Book review: psych exploration of past. The conclusions reached in therapy presented for what? the present tense “Today . . . ” Does it open or close meaning? Why insert? Implies lessons and ethics. Evelyn Lau Narrative of hope 161 – “I tried to write my way out.” 173 – “My writing would do this….
Yesterday while watching F. clean-up before we left her grandparent’s house. Grandma passed colored blocks asking F. to name them before she placed them in the container. At first, grandma alternated colors. Then she passed F. five purple blocks in a row preceding each with the same phrase: “What’s that one?” And each time F….
“What I did had stakes, but reality rarely intruded, and when it did, the consequences were light, so that it would be a miserable, pitiable lie if I used suspense or misdirection in a life marked by static, because I know whatever the stakes were I never went broke and when it ended for me…
The only grip I maintain on my reality – this. Everything else a fight. The habit of women distracts me. My life isn’t static, because I know it passes. Things change around me. Like a wraith, a haunting, others sense my presence (I disturb or annoy); but they move or leave, and I remain in…
(I deleted a passage, because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings). Kingsway Massage: make it an Am I the Asshole OR I Fucked up When. Do I have comments? I had an insight late Thursday night that I did not jot down. Regarding the form of Piglia’s Diary. The word density. I sat across…
Habit can facilitate work. No doubt it can also deaden the soul or experience. Habit makes the world habitual, and so only the soul can surprise our selves. Did someone like Chesterton have many habits? Let me rephrase that, it’s not about habits like always the right shoe before left . . . wait ….
Movie opening: Fucking Guy One (FG1): Dude that girl’s hot man. Guy Two (G2): Woman. FG1: Woman. The woman strolls across the screen. The two guys pass a joint back and forth. FG1: I was just saying she was hot. G2: No worries dude. FG1: What’re we doing today? ALTERNATIVE CONTINUATION: FG1: Dude . ….